Notes on CPE session One
Notes from Session One: Clarissa Pinkola Estes, The Dangerous Old Woman and Her Sister, The Crone
“Crone” comes from crown: the feminine archetype associated with the crown, that establishes authority.
She is the one who “sees” what others do not see. She sees what is coming. She sees what “is.” She sees what has been.
CPE wants to establish a psychology of “giftedness” rather than pathology. Her premise is that we are gifted beings. We are here to love. Our culture says we are here to work. To work one has to fit in, to be acceptable, to be normal.
The three secrets every gifted soul needs to remember:
1) You will never lead an ordinary life.
2) You are one of a kind. Eccentricity is a sign of your giftedness.
3) Get over being normal. Normalcy is the enemy of giftedness.
CPE related a story about her Aunt Edna who was huge with big bones and large feet. Aunt Edna, and others in her family would say “Be careful about casting out devils that you don’t cast out the best part of yourself.” She learned from Aunt Edna that it is okay that there are parts of ourselves that are always “not quite right.” Those parts we’ve often cast out of our selves but we can take them back. They are our quirks that don’t fit in.
She suggested we make a list of those things we’ve cast out that we felt did not fit in, that were cast out and to take those things back.
The crone will do what fits for her. She does not try to fit in. She will not be held down ad she will also help set others free. Thus she’s defiled by the culture, the powers that be that are threatened.
CPE told a story of a man who tried to make trees grow in a certain way by tying them with ropes and holding them down with stones. The tree would always win however, would always turn upward toward the light.
The crone “cuts the ropes and removes the stones.”
The crone is not afraid of death. She wants to live fully and to do that she has the clear knowing that she has more years behind her than she has ahead. She knows and accepts fully that life is not forever on earth, but that the spirit is forever so she need not fear but live fully while she is here.
The crone knows the proper uses of emotion:
Anger is the energy and desire to make things right.
Sadness is the impulse to make space for more by letting things go.
Fear is the raw energy to ask for more information. We are afraid of those things we lack information about.
The crone is between worlds, in this one but also in others so She appears out of nowhere.
CPE told the story of the young giantess. The young giantess became afraid and discouraged that she would never meet a man who was big enough for her. Her mother counseled her to indeed make herself smaller by not speaking up, by not acting in her full power, by taking tiny steps and appearing small. Her mother told her especially to stop pulling up the trees that were planted in poor soil and replanting them where they would thrive. Pulling up trees was definitely part of the problem as it indicated her great strength and that would be intimidating.
The giantess grandmother however whispered that on the first meeting with a new suitor she should very definitely pull up and replant trees during the evening.
So the young giantess listened to her grandmother. And after she had spent the evening with the new young man she did pull up and replant a tree. His response to her was that he could see her actions were those of a great heart and that he definitely wanted to see her again. The next night her mother again cautioned her, especially to not use her breath which was so strong, like the north wind. But her grandmother again whispered that she best use her breath fully and that she would be happy with the result.
So she again listened to her grandmother and during the evening used her breath to flatten a forest of trees briefly to reveal the rising moon over the horizon. The suitor again was moved and commented on what an act of artistry that was and that he definitely wanted to see her again.
Finally as things progressed the suitor proposed. She expressed all of her fears, that they were not a match, that she was too much for him. He responded that she was not, that though he was small in stature in comparison that he was strong and able to provide her with comfort and supply her with what she needed and to stand by her in the trials that life would bring.
They were married. The mother congratulated herself on having given the young giantess such good advice. The young giantess looked at the grandmother and they winked at each other because they knew the truth, that she had fully been herself and that it was that full expression that had drawn the suitor to her.
CPE commented that these stories point to parts of ourselves: the young giantess self that is insecure but very strong; the mother culture self that wants the young giantess to fit in; the old one, the crone, that is wise and supports the young giantess to be herself. And the inner suitor who wants to marry us just as we are.
The outer “mother culture” is soul destroying, telling us who we are supposed to be, that we must be smaller and deformed.
We have choices. We can listen to the crone. Or we can be invisible by putting a lot of weight on how people may see us.
People who have fallen in love with someone who is outside the cultural ideals have their minds cracked open to truths outside the culture. They then can ask the more important questions, such as “Can this heart love and create” rather than “Does this person fit in?”
The crone stands her ground and takes it all in.
CPE told a story of being at the funeral of a young person. The mother was weeping fiercely. The grandmother was also weeping, partly for the loss of the grandchild but also for the sorrow of her own child who was suffering so. But the great-grandmother was steady, watching, conveying the sense:
I can handle this.
I can help.
I can be sturdy.
I can take it all in.
The crone can stand her ground, take it all in, and not need to be the center of things.
An exercise to cultivate all of these parts of ourselves. Make a grid and fill in how each aspect nurtures these parts of life, qualities, expressions.
Maiden Mother Crone
Spirituality
Sexuality
Creativity
Partnership
Family
Work
Laughter
(others)
Once you have completed the chart then circle the things in red that you do currently. Circle the things in blue that you would like to do. Ask “How will I be and nurture all of these parts of myself in all of these areas?”
The crone gives blessings to others.
She does that in simple, direct ways, telling people “I love that you are here. I love that you are good at that. I’m proud that you accomplished that.” People need to be blessed and that is what the crone does.
But crone is not about age as young women can also find that ability to bless and it is great when young women bless their elders, acknowlege what they get from them.
An exercise to see those things that we have cast out of ourselves:
Make a list of the oughts, musts, and shoulds: The messages about how we dress, speak, eat, create, express sexuality, spirituality. Defining all of the messages we’ve received from culture, parents, church, etc.
Jung said the first half of life is about the dragon fight while the second half is about individuation.
While there may be truth in that she disagrees that you have to wait to come into your own. It is the crone energy that comes and cuts the ropes and removes the stones.
Maslow’s hierarchy also says that the basic needs of food, shelter, safety, belonging, etc. must be met before self-actualization can be addressed.
She disagrees and points to places where there may be great poverty and danger but that the people often have a well-developed sense of self and that Self-Actualization or Individuation may actually for the basis or foundation from which the rest of life can spring forth, that this is the most important aspect actually.
She said this is a culture of soul theft, that we are not helped by this culture. But the crone who is not afraid to speak, to stand her ground, who admits exactly who she is, helps us retrieve our souls and fully live into who we are.
Some thoughts and reflections I’ve had:
I can see in those areas where I am challenged that it is the qualities of the maiden and the mother that I get stuck with when I do not have the qualities of the crone to draw upon.
I used thoses lense as a way to see that in a certain situation I get stuck in “maiden” feeling helpless, dependent, invisible and scared. Or I get stuck in “mother” feeling critical, responsible, controlling, needing to fix or advise or reform. What is missing when I am stuck is the ability of the crone to see everything, what’s really going on, and to simply hold my ground without judgment, to take it all in without having to react or be in control, but also without fearing I will be invisible if I don’t do something.
I had the image of a face come to me as I was feeling how stuck those places can get for me. The picture is of a round/squarish old woman’s face with shining eyes and a little knowing smile, light an dhuman coming out of her without a word… and yes, she has whiskers. She’s so old and beyond caring that she doesn’t care or even notice, in fact perhaps she has so integrated some of the masculine that at this age she is almost beyond gender. She’s quietly observant, wise, doesn’t say much, doesn’t need to be seen, and is full of an inner delight at seeing it all and being able to take it all in.